Question #61
Can you remarry if your former spouse lusted in his or her heart?
The Bible gives many examples of how “adultery” is committed. The most obvious way is being involved with someone that is not your spouse. But the bible also states that if you lust upon another you have committed adultery in your heart. God commands us to get out of the adulterous relationship, at which time we can be forgiven if we have truly repented. But the one who was adulterous in the relationship is not free to marry again. What if you were free to marry, married someone who was not free to marry (while married you would be in an adulterous relationship? Right?), but then got divorced due to that same person being adulterous again. Are you free to remarry?
The Answer:
Based upon the teaching of Scripture, you are correct in what you say about adultery and remarriage. However, when Jesus allowed remarriage for the innocent spouse when the cause for the divorce is fornication, he was speaking of actual fornication. The Lord’s purpose in Matthew 5:25-28 was not to give a new definition of adultery, but to emphasize that the righteousness of the Kingdom must exceed the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees. You are correct that a person who married a divorced person who was divorced because he or she was guilty of adultery would also be an adulterer. Your question, as I understand it, is whether if such a person obtained a second divorce also based upon adultery, would a remarriage be in keeping with God’s will. Someone once described a question as being one that would cross a Rabbi’s eyes. I am inclined to put this question in that category. For one things, it requires too many assumptions to properly answer. For instance, did the innocent party from the first divorce enter into the second marriage with full knowledge that he or she would be living in adultery? If so, is the sorrow upon the second divorce Godly sorrow that leads to repentance, or just regret that the adulterous second mate was unfaithful in the innocent party’s second marriage? Frankly, and being as honest as I can, such an inquiry sounds more like someone seeking to justify what they have already made up their mind to do. I cannot see how a person truly interested in the welfare of his or her soul would make such an inquiry. It seems more likely that a person truly seeking to do God’s will and save his or her soul, would not undertake such an uncertain voyage on a sea known to be stormy.
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